terrorism

my friend Roland Barthes says that there is a terrorism of the question, because in every question is implicit the knowledge. the question denies the right of "not to know". all questions can be read as a position of questioning, of power, of inquisition. the question is perhaps the worst of the violence.

Barthes says that we must not forget Freud's statement according to which any question is a desire for sexual knowledge. in this regard every question is indiscreet, is the search for the sexuality of the other: what is your sexuality? a voyeurism exists in it, an obligation to the exhibition. *

*probably nobody understood this point better than Kurt Cobain, when he asks: "my girl, my girl dont lie to me. tell me where did you sleep last night?"

u.u

i'm probably becoming insane, but i swear that i saw that attitude somewhere else...*

*tragic tongue (?)

spiding

here when someone wants to say that would like to be present in the middle of a forbidden situation, it is said: "if i were a fly, i should be there"

and i was thinking: it is such a bad idea to be a fly in those situations, because nothing can be better for spying that to be an spider.

the spyer spider*

* even the letters of the words are given the clue (?)

selFishes

and the point is that i spend all the time leaving hidden messages, like secret signs

but it is probably my fault that they stay unread,

maybe because i use to write them with blue ink in the middle of the water

so they just vanish or get invisible at the moment*

*or maybe the fishes drink my blue ink

** oh so tragic, so tragic, so terrible tragic and watering (?)

unloveable

flaneur

SOUP AND THE CLOUDS *

MY well-beloved little madcap was dining with me,
and through the open window of the dining-room I was
contemplating the moving architecture which God formed
from the vapors, the marvellous constructions of the im-
palpable. And I was saying to myself, in my reflection:
"All these phantasmagoria are almost as beautiful as the
eyes of my beautiful well-beloved, the little prodigious
madcap with green eyes."
And all at once I received a violent punch in the
back, and I heard a hoarse and charming voice, a voice
hysterical and husky as with brandy, which said to
me: "Are you going to eat your soup, s . . ., b . . . of
a dealer in clouds?"

*did i tell you that i have a baudelaire's t-shirt? it is extremely cool, unique in its specie (?)

p.m (III)

-but if you hated me so much, you just would have to take a mistress... But no! That is not true. I didnt have a lover i simply slept with a guy. It is not the same; you know very well that you can sleep with who you ever want.

- you are enough for me, he replied bitterly

control

it is like noticing that there is a monkey in charge of the ship

and you are so far away from the shore

and the ship is absolutely out of control

and the monkey seems to be so confident about his abilities as a captain

that he spends all his time trying to eat a violet banana

-well, it is something like this, but maybe a little different- *

*i'm almost sure that i've seen this film before

p.m (II)

“I am a mess…” but he could do nothing, and that wasnt the essential: he knew it. the essential; what upset to him until producing anguish, was that, suddenly, he was separated from her, not by hatred -even though hatred existed in him; not by jealousy (or is that, indeed, that was jealousy?), but by a feeling without name, as destructive as the time or the death: he didnt guess.

p.m (I)

-¨the more injured people there are, the more the insurrection is closer, the more people fuck"
- i get it
-it is necessary that i say to you something that perhaps disturbs you a little...
he was laying on the elbow, he interrogated her with his eyes. May was intelligent and brave; but, often, she was awkward.
- i finally went to the bed with Langlen, this evening.
..........

- are you upset with me?
- already i have said to you that you are free ... i do not ask too much - he added with bitterness.
The little dog jumped on the bed. He withdrew his hand to caress the dog probably.
- you are free - he repeated- the rest of it doesnt matter.
- well, i had to say it to you. even for me.
- yes.

a.m

the wounds of the deepest love are enough to create the biggest hatred

gulliver

i said: "i'm becoming smaller day by day or by day by"
but the worst thing is that nobody seemed to believe me

and some day or day some, i'll probably dissappear but nobody or bodyno will notice it

poor so poor smaller me*

*it is very tragic, very very tragic and maybe a little weird or small weird (?)

ppp

the italian film director, pier paolo pasolini was killed at the beach, in 1975.
his own car -driven by a seventeen years old hustler- run over him many times.

the murderer said that he had killed the director because pasolini wanted to have sex with him, but he retracted 30 years later and said that, in fact he was innocent, and that 3 guys had committed the murder for the communist militancy of the film maker*

*and morrisey sings: "pasolini is me..."

dejavú

"the love crosses, i'll cross my fingers"

*and adorable bridge has been... (wake up!)

education

the best part about having Godzuki as a professor is that he not only can teach you how to destroy a city
he also can explain you how to build a bridge*

it would be nice to say: "teach me, monster"

*and adorable bridge has been built between us

pillowyou

send me the pillow...
the one that you dream on...
and i'll send you mine

the only problem is that i have three pillows*

one that i dream on

one to put against the wall

and the last one just to hug

*i only have three pillows but i have many pills
**pills for pillows
***pills for sleep on pillows for dream

gray

ok, i confess it

i have been lying during the last 50 years

i'm just 22*

*bad bad bad an tragic girl

forks

dreams

"During a time they resolved to sleep holding each other hand, with the hope that his dreams passed inside her across the hands. For uncomfortably that it was -because to keep a strategic position would become impossible to turn the pillow looking for the freshness- they resolved to sleep with the heads close one to the other. They thought that this contact would be more effective than that one of the hands, but she continued without dreaming"*

Silvina Ocampo

*two lovers with their heads pretty close on the same pillow, trying to share the same dream...

moz

"There is not human being on Earth able to declare who is with certainty.
Nobody knows what has come to do to this world, or which is the reason of his acts, his feelings, his ideas, not even which is his real name."*

Jorge Luis Borges

*and morrisey reminded me borges.

** i'm almost sure that moz read borges, as i know with certainty that Robert Smith did it

*** i should like to ask morrisey if he definitely did it. i think that i need his e-mail adress. (?)

warming

i need a hat for this winter

i have to avoid that the few ideas that i have, get frozen*

*btw: my feet are cool, warm i mean, you know

nailing

a boy who had been obssesed with her for more than a year came and told to her:

- i met a girl who loves me and who makes me really happy and i have to thank you for something

-what for?

- because you told me that things that were so hard to get didnt worth it. because you said to me that things in love had to be easier, that nothing or nobody deserved so much suffering and pain. you were right and i was so blind that i couldnt see it, but now i understand it and i'm in love again*

*she felt cool just for thinking that for once she had been a useful nail

warning

Until china collides with africa
i am going to chase you
it would be good that you were asking
that the land moves*

*i want it know

explanation

-some intellectual decide to accept a job in the television because it is very easy to have an affair with young girls. you know, the popularity is very attractive, but another guys prefer to be professors, because nothing can be easier than conquering a beautiful student

unexpected

*sometimes the problem about changing is when the change comes out of time

uh*

there must be a devil between us

*two, who are chained¨
**but in fact they are apart
***but there is something between them that makes them to be stick to the other
****something that it is stronger than a real and material chain
*****something that in fact is as vanished as a feeling

conclusion

catholic school's girls rule*

*the innocence pays

atheist

- i really like the way you write, but please dont put some words in capital letter. for instance god. the world is full of wars, hunger, misery so god doesnt even deserve a label letter to be named, ok?

she looked at him seriously, not even an expression was drawn in her face

then the young professor smiled and she saw all the mockery in his mouth

hey*

where are you?
because i know where you are, but i'm not talking about that
i'm just asking where are you, yes YOU, YOU, YOU
the whole YOU
where are you?
you know what i mean, dont you?

*been trying to meet you

confirmation

i thought that nobody could be stupid enough to throw daisies to the pigs*

* i said: "i thought"... but now i know that someone like that really exists (?)

obvio

a band which name is "i love you but i've chosen the darkness" deserves all my respect*

* in spite of i dont even know one of the songs that they play (?)

light

do you really think that it is so easy like changing a bulb light?*

*how funny... but (there is a light that never goes out)

strings

i dont know exactly why
but i like so much the bands with violins*

*someday i'll find a goat who teaches me how to play the violin

essential

wake up, please*

*it is more than necessary

99

almost a century*

*isnt it ironic?

discovery

at my 50 i find out that the cold weather wasnt made for me

probably i dont like the winter anymore*

*i said "probably" because i could change my mind again at my next 50

tool

she was dangerously in love

and it was a hopeless situation

so she decided: to take distance

to leave behind

to put an ocean between

she thought that she needed "a nail to take out that nail"

and she found a new nail

that was even worst than the first one

because the new one was dark, cruel and had no mercy

then she understood that what she really needed was a hammer*

*hammerme

change

here i said what i supposed that i was nowadays

but probably i was wrong (as usual) and in fact i'm something different

for instance: a little pin or maybe a little stone inside one of your shoes, when you have to walk many -but many- kilometres

witchcraft

life is pretty weird

and you notice that, in the precise moment when someone tells you a secret

that you already knew, but you arent even able to explain how you knew it.*

*in that moment you truly suspect that you have powers or probably that you are a witch

crush

if she were a soluble fish

he would probably be a solid sea*

*so bretonian

respect

-i dont love you anymore

-since when?

-now, just now

...*

*nothing can be more stupid that taking for granted someone else's feelings

trap

, and if i really dont care about it anymore -as i say-

then why does it bother me this way?*

*yeah, why?

che

''After Such Pleasures"



Tonight, seeking your mouth in another mouth.

almost believing it, because that's how blind this river is

that throws me into some woman and submerges me in her

eyes,

and it's sad to swim finally toward the shore of sleep

knowing pleasure is that lowlife slave

who accepts counterfeit coins and circulates them, smiling.



Forgotten purity, how could I hope to recover

that ache of Buenos Aires, that ceaseless hopeless

expectation.

Alone in my open house above the port

to begin being in love with you again,

to meet you again over the morning coffee

with nothing that can't be forgiven

having occured.

And without my having to remember this oblivion

that rises

to no purpose, to erase your squiggles from the blackboard

and leave me nothing more than a starless window. ''

beast

Grandmother was right -as usual- when she used to talk to me about the beauty of the youth*

*or probably cartier bresson was a genius with his camera

** i think that grandmother and cartier bresson were two genius, in fact.
***anyway i know a lot of young people who are pretty ugly

girl

not a woman yet *

*so lost as usual (how tragic!)

(.)

i'm an honest mistake that you made*

*did you mean to?

knowledge

Professor Oscar, my favourite one*

*give me more semiotic on the rocks, please

game

tell me, please

do you spy me?*

*ineedtoknow

patria

200 años de tantas contradicciones, de luchas internas, de muerte

200 años en la búsqueda de la libertad

aniversario de una revolución extraña -tan extraña y particular como todos nosotros-

esta es mi tierra y esta es la lengua que hablo

soy parte de todo esto

y está bien que así sea

film

when she was 10, her father took her to the cinema and said: "if you don't even laugh once during the whole movie, i'll buy you whatever you want."*

*obviously she lost

rainy

-every time you come here, it rains.

-yes, i'm a london girl, so i take the rain everywhere i go

*new rainy boots

malraux

"The attempt to force human beings to despise themselves… is what I call hell. "*

*my favourite french writers always have a cigarette in their hands. why?

phonetic

destruction/distraction*

*because it is not the same to say: "and you are the distraction in my head" than saying: "and you are the destruction in my head"

rilke

Understand, I'll slip quietly
Away from the noisy crowd
When I see the pale
Stars rising, blooming over the oaks.

I'll pursue solitary pathways
Through the pale twilit meadows,
With only this one dream:
You come too. *

*too or 2

hope

* need to know that you'll be fine

crunching

and she learnt that she could hate Kandinsky because he had said that the yellow was a warm colour and wanted to paint all the circles with that colour because it was the right one.

now that everything around her was yellow, she didn't like that colour anymore.

she didnt like the fall anymore, with all those bright leaves on the ground*

*all that she wanted was a pair of yellow converse just for jumping over the yellow leaves and listen how they shouted: "crunch"

pleasure

*yellow, light green and blue ones are my favourite.

** lemon, apple and pineapple candies, i mean

ecology

-you look like that little girl with the plant

-mathilda?

-yes, that one

tag

e.g means: 1- for example

2- for instance

3- ernest gemingway (mmmmmm... probably there is something wrong here)

anyway i have to pay attention to every little detail*

*sometimes it is so difficult to be me

?

*do you think that it is going to rain?

that

that first time that saw that smile that reminded to another smile
so perfect both of them
so charming that it was absolutely impossible
to forget*

*one, but not the same

blood

the floor was full of broken glasses

but i started to run on them anyway*

*it doesnt matter. i always like wearing red for my feet

green

if it is true that life depends on the colour of the glass that you watch it through

i decide to watch it through a green glass

so i have not to worry about settle down

everything around can be absolutely immature, but i'll never notice

levis

congratulations to claude levi-strauss, who understood in time that a man can't live just practising the anthropology and decided to produce clothes with style for the pop-culture*

maybe if bronislaw malinowski had followed his example, now all we would use sport shoes with his name, instead of converse

*probably i'm confusing the people... but it doesn't matter cause lately i'm confusing almost everything (?)

surrealist

i had a dream that i saw dali

with a supermarket trolley*

*he was trying to throw his arms around a girl

introduce

this is me,

a contradiction on two legs*

*

price

you can eat my eye if you want

i still have another one*

*odin lost one of his eyes and got the wisdom

revol(ver)(ution)

"Revolution does not mean torrents of blood, the taking of the Winter Palace, and so on. Revolution means a radical transformation of society's institutions. In this sense, I certainly am a revolutionary." *

Cornelius Castoriadis

* i subscribe

non-plus

blake

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."*

*i suspected it was this way

vuonderin

vuer is mai maind?*

*where?

starlight

*mellon

**what a big head for such a small body!

cannibal

i could say: i'm gonna eat your heart tonight

yeah, i'm gonna eat your heart tonight and throw the rests of it to the dogs

i could say or write it, but i won't

i'll just think about it and keep it like a secret*

*ups, i guess i made a mistake

honesty

don't get close to me, i'm a match today.

and if you don't want to feel the flames climbing from your legs to your hair, stay far away from me

i can't give you any light today

all i can do is burn your head

and probably fry your brain*

*cheap poetry is my speciality.

**i'm so romantic, i know it (?)

logic

stop talking about the logic in semiotic
there is no logic at all when we are talking about "the meaning"

nothing can be more arbitrary and conventional than a language*

*i'msofastandfurioustoday

weather

and i was thinking: if it is sunday but it is raining, wouldn't we have to change the name of the day and call it rainday?
so i could say: "i'll go to visit you on sunday or probably on rainday, because the weather is changing (as so many other things) you know, but i'm going to visit you anyway. all i have to do is check the forecast before going out". *

*this picture was taken from a plane, there is a sun, but it wasn't sunday. it was on monday, but how odd: there wasn't a moon at all.

* i'm having conspicuous thoughts these days (how intellectual)

sugar

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ok, i'll say it: i'm a sleepwalker.

but not a common one. i just wake up during the nights because i need to eat something sweet: chocolate cake, ice-cream, cookies, lollipops, whatever.

the point is that -as a typical sleepwalker- i have no idea about what i do when i wake up, but apparently i go straight to the place where i can find the sweet things i need, for instance: the fridge.

i guess that i won't have any problem while i stay inside my home.

but i feel a little worry because probably, one night i will open the door and i'll start walking for the streets, and maybe a gentle policeman will find me in the park, trying to suck the eye of that statue that seems pretty sweet to me *

*how tragic

preromantic

*i want a lot today

miau2

miau